Sunday, January 3rd 2010

Low on energy

I had a terrible night; I got practically no sleep at all. Time played strange tricks on me. Whenever I glanced at the bedside clock thinking that hours had passed I got a nasty shock. And I just couldn’t get comfortable; my right shoulder blade ached constantly and my lower spine was really hurting so badly I was afraid to wriggle side to side. At one point my left arm slipped off my leg and fell onto the mattress. Try as I might I just couldn’t move it back into position and there it lay half trapped until I was rescued in the morning by Francesca who had been kind enough to call in an hour earlier than usual because she was concerned for me.

I was both keen and apprehensive to find out if I could still stand up on my own. Would I be able to stand up or had my leg strength deserted me permanently? The moment of truth had arrived. Sitting on the edge of the bed I braced my legs as best I could for stability and stood up. Considering how weak my legs felt I was more than a little surprised to be standing up although I didn’t feel very stable. I took a few tentative steps around the bed with Francesca keeping a close eye on me. I figured if I was going to fall at least I would have the bed to cushion the impact. So far so good. I tried sitting down and getting up again and successfully managed it. The bathroom proved a bit more tricky and I needed Francesca’s help to stand up from the loo although I managed with the perching stall by myself when it came time for a shave.

After getting dressed I made a beeline for the chair in my study and the security it offered. And this is where I had my breakfast (in fact all my meals) today although my appetite was still poor and I struggled to eat. Before Francesca left I tried standing up from my study chair just to make sure that I could visit the bathroom if needed. I had become very apprehensive about being trapped on a chair and not being able to answer a call of nature when there was no one here to help me. Fortunately about just enough strength had returned to enable me to stand up although it felt very shaky. As the day progressed I made a special point of trying to stand up and walk around a bit every hour to try and boost my confidence. But there is no doubt that I continue to weaken. In fact I’m even starting to struggle to push my high back study chair around on the carpet using my feet. The way things are going I’ll be very lucky if I can still stand up by the end of the month. That’s not defeatist attitude, it’s just reality.


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